Why It Hurts To See Your Ex Move On, Even If You’re Over Them

Additionally, people who have NPD often experience other physical and mental health conditions, like substance use disorder and anxiety, which may further complicate close relationships. When someone posts one too many selfies on their social media or talks about themselves constantly during a first date, you might call them a narcissist. This text is perfect to send someone you dated casually and then lost track of, possibly due to busy schedules or bad timing. If you didn’t end things on a bad note, it shouldn’t be hard to pick up where you left off. Again, this one’s direct, opens the door, but most importantly, it requires a response, Fisher says.

If you start off with a sweet memory, it’ll feel natural to ease into a deeper conversation. From there, you can talk more about why you’re reaching out and what you hope for the future. “This works because it immediately causes them to think back to a time when the two of you had fun together,” Alexis Wolfe, a dating expert and founder of NYCDateNite, tells Bustle. It offers an opening line and chance for connection, Emery says, but the casualness keeps you at a safe distance.

Even if you want your ex to be happy now, it’s normal to question whether they truly loved you as much as they said they did. In some cases, the “pain” you feel when your ex moves on might not have anything to do with having lingering feelings for them. “Ego can play a big role in feeling hurt,” Davis says. “Some people like the idea of someone having feelings for them even if they don’t reciprocate it back. It makes them feel wanted.” There’s comfort in thinking there’s someone out there who’s still hung up on you. And seeing your ex with someone else can ruin the illusion you created for yourself.

It’s a good idea to go into any romantic affair with eyes wide open. The key to making a prudent decision here is to keep an emotional distance until you have made a conscious decision to move forward with your friend’s ex. We all know the difference between a fling and something more. Perhaps you’re thinking to yourself, “We’re all adults here. Anyone who has had any sort of meaningful romantic relationship can tell you that—over it or not—it would be difficult for them to be around their ex. So even if your friend is “OK” with you dating her ex, you are likely going to see a lot less of your friend.

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Agreed, it really pisses me off when people seem to think they have some right over who an ex dates. Unless you do internet dating, you’ll probably be dating from interracialcupid amongst your friends. Maybe in some time you can continue being friends with both, but I wouldn’t blame you if this was the killing blow to your friendship.

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However, remember that your friend and your ex are both separate people from you, and that their relationships are their own.Respect your friend’s boundaries, just as you would expect them to respect yours. If you find out that your friend is dating your ex, you might feel the urge to dish the dirt on your ex or sabotage the relationship. Ask yourself whether sharing this information will accomplish anything positive. Have a conversation with your friend about your feelings.

Following on from the point above, you should never ask your partner to compare you and your friend , as it’ll not only put them in an uncomfortable situation, but you will be creating drama for no reason. Let us know in the comments and feel free to share with any people you feel need to read this. If your friend is dating your ex, it’s really important that you all practice clear communication with each other.

You’ll have to decide whether this potential relationship is worth any potential hurt it could cause to your friend group. If you do go for it, take things slow, and be as honest as you can about the relationship to the people in your circle. Since three out of four of my best friends make more money than their husbands do, I’m thinking this situation is a lot more common than anyone is admitting. For years my husband made more than I did, and he couldn’t have been more generous. But as the financial balance shifted, I can’t confess to the same generosity.

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“A person who cares about you, even as a friend, will be interested in hearing about a positive update in your life, so there’s no reason to feel vulnerable,” Hecht says. Bringing up mutual favorite places — like a coffee shop — and mutual friends is yet another way to reconnect, Montanile says. This message isn’t overly sentimental, but it does offer a reminder of all the good times you had as a couple.

Telling your friend that they aren’t allowed to date your ex could hurt your friendship and your friend’s feelings. It also destroys the potential for your friend and ex to create a good relationship and find happiness. Try to keep your jealousy or sadness under control by understanding that the relationship isn’t meant to hurt your feelings.If you give your friend an ultimatum, there’s a chance they may choose your ex over you. In fact, someone that’s friends with their ex is typically more mature than those people that hate their exes.

It can seem incredibly daunting having to ask your friend if it’s acceptable for you to date their previous partner. So, it’s a good idea to plan the talk and think about what you’re actually going to say. You should practice talking about why you’re telling them, what the reasons are for wanting to date their old partner and why you want to remain friends with them and avoid conflict. When someone jumps into a new relationship before they’re truly ready, it only sets both partners up for heartache. “You end up depriving your new partner of really getting to experience the real you,” Ponaman says. Meanwhile, the current partner will end up feeling a bit duped.